Do fights increase the warmth and closeness in a relationship???I am not sure about this ,but i feel they do.Secondly is it possible for siblings/friends/couples to have a relationship where they dont fight with each other at all?Or even if they do it is very infrequent?
Myself and Divya(my sister) used to fight a lot.The most prominent memories of our childhood involve our bitter fights.We used to hit each other and get scoldings from our parents too at the end.Though we dont do it as frequently as before we do still fight.The only change is that we dont beat each other anymore...;-)Most of the siblings i have seen share a similar relationship.
Why am i pondering about this now?Manasa and her sister Madhura(my cousin and my would be Sister in Law) very rarely fought with each other.They didnt have any arguments(atleast in public) and for everybody they were ideal siblings.I remember my father returning from mysore telling us how they Manasa and Madhura could be role models for Myself and my sister.I never got it.How can they not have any fights.When i ask the same question to Manasa she laughs at that.She doesnt find it strange at all.
Now I come to this question.Myself and Manasa have fought very rarely.In fact in three months of our relationship we have had only one little argument.I would like to know if there are other couples who dont fight with each other???Or is it too early in our relationship to expect fights?When I told this to Divya she said,get married then You will know.Is that true???
I sincerely feel that we need fights in any relationship for the love to grow.Too much of sugar all the time can spoil a person...You need some bitterness/sourness at times to really value the sugar.Am I Wrong in thinking this way??
Myself and Divya(my sister) used to fight a lot.The most prominent memories of our childhood involve our bitter fights.We used to hit each other and get scoldings from our parents too at the end.Though we dont do it as frequently as before we do still fight.The only change is that we dont beat each other anymore...;-)Most of the siblings i have seen share a similar relationship.
Why am i pondering about this now?Manasa and her sister Madhura(my cousin and my would be Sister in Law) very rarely fought with each other.They didnt have any arguments(atleast in public) and for everybody they were ideal siblings.I remember my father returning from mysore telling us how they Manasa and Madhura could be role models for Myself and my sister.I never got it.How can they not have any fights.When i ask the same question to Manasa she laughs at that.She doesnt find it strange at all.
Now I come to this question.Myself and Manasa have fought very rarely.In fact in three months of our relationship we have had only one little argument.I would like to know if there are other couples who dont fight with each other???Or is it too early in our relationship to expect fights?When I told this to Divya she said,get married then You will know.Is that true???
I sincerely feel that we need fights in any relationship for the love to grow.Too much of sugar all the time can spoil a person...You need some bitterness/sourness at times to really value the sugar.Am I Wrong in thinking this way??
posted by Dheeraj Bhat | 10:10 AM
4 Comments:
Hi again,
It does not matter and also it is good that you do not fight much. You can quinch your fighting thirst with Divya. Sometimes even lots of fight spoils a relationship, a matter of experience. Usually at the dawn of a relationship sweetness engulfs and later slowly some differences will arise but we must contain and control ourself before it becomes bitter.
Cheers,
Nitin
Wow Smitha Thats Beautiful.I must confess that I had never thought from this angle.
I will come to one point what You said.That is each person has strong beliefs which he/she might express or contain within himself.When there is a contradiction of beliefs You have arguments/fights.However this happens when both are expressive and are willing to justify them with arguments/heated discussions.Now no matter what the outcome of the argument is,You understand the other person more and in effect reduce the distance between the two(I agree this happens only when you realize that each person is entitled for his views and you respect those even of they contradict your views).However if the other person is not very expressive(it might be a why simply break my head / He/She has said it so I will agree kind of submission) then you dont have arguments,but at the same time you have not completely understood whats on the other persons mind.So In a way arguments/fights help you understand the other person more and taken positively It brings two people closer.This is the gist of what i wanted to say.
One thing everybody would agree is that You have amazing literary skills.We knew about Chetan,but You are no less.We would love to read more of your opinions.Keep posting Sweety.
Hi,
Well I am still trying to fathom the various point of views which are on display here.
About this aspect, I have learnt a lot from my father. My father always keeps telling me that nobody wins an argument and that the best way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it...I believe that in any relationship, for it to be successful, it is essential that atleast one person knows when to stop an argument. But the problem is that it is rarely the case. In arguments, people usually feel that their ego is challenged and hence leave no stone unturned to win the argument.
At the same time, there should be friendly banter/leg-pulling in any successful relationship. Without it, couples look like the boring pair in the movie "Jhankar Beats"...(remember that irritating guy who tries selling candles to Sanjay Suri/Rahul Bose.
Like everything else in life, striking the right balance is what counts....very few of us are able to do it all the time.
Cheers,
Sandeep.
Wow!!!
I was really surprised to see such detailed comments from Smitha. The sheer maturity of your reply and such meticulous analysis of different facets of fight is just thrilling. It throws a light on how little understanding and experience I have on this matter. Which puts you on a better/brighter side, you fight a lot J.
Anyways my comment refer, as classified by you, into the second category. The third categorization particularly captivated me and paved way for new beginning in understanding of relationships I share. Most of what I am writing about falls into second or third category.
All fights in a relationship do not lead to a win or loss but we try to misunderstand and sometimes our ego takes a hit. It is mostly because of our ego and our nature not to accept so called “defeat” we end up in misery. If we apply some kinda Game theory into these relationships we can conveniently classify them into non-zero sum problems. In a non-zero sum game both players can win ... or both can lose. For example, pay negotiation between management and a trade union can be a non-zero sum game. The result can be a long strike that hurts both sides, or a fair agreement that benefits both sides. So most of our arguments end up in the so called “fair negotiations” and “mutual benefits” (on which usually female superiority reigns J , because most of we guys are either stupid or blind).
It does not necessarily mean every fight falls into this category. Some are far serious and damaging. These violent fights are what we need to avoid in relationships. Please note by violent I did not mean physical. Sometimes fights lead to conflict of interest or failed negotiation in which case both parties are hit. One in that situation has to put down his foot and bear the loss for something to work. The sheer magnitude of loss determines future of such relationships.
After reading about your mature comments here is a question I wanted to ask “Are compromises fine in a relationship? If yes, till what limit?” I know your comments are very well appreciated and we will be waiting for your reply.
Cheers,
Nitin
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